Take That, You Fucking Writer

Posted: 01.31.06

Grasping at Straws

Posted: 01.17.06

Dying People Say the Darndest Things

Posted: 01.17.06

29 Steps The New Kids on the Block Will Take to "Get to You Girl"

Posted: 01.08.06

Skills to Master Before Applying for "Project Runway"

Posted: 01.08.06

The Old Man on the Train Was Spouting Off Again

Posted: 10.28.05

If I Was a Ninja

Posted: 09.28.05

Beating the Rapture

Posted: 09.23.05

Businesses That Unsuccessfully Mix Modern Services With An Old Timey Theme

Posted: 09.23.05

Fun Things To Say To a Lady With a Baby

Posted: 09.14.05

Things I Learned This Week From Riding Public Transportation

Posted: 09.07.05

Slippery Slopes

Posted: 09.04.05

Things I Learned This Week From Being Unemployed

Posted: 08.16.05

Things I Should've Said

Posted: 08.15.05

A Letter to My Alumni Newsletter To Remind Them That I, Unlike Another Recent Graduate, Have Not Been Arrested For Soliciting Sex from Minors

Posted: 08.12.05

All the Jews Called In Sick

Posted: 07.11.05

Dakota Fanning: A Timeline

Posted: 07.05.05

Little Known Spells

Posted: 06.28.05

Conversations I Might Have, If I Was Invited To the Weddings of Former Friends from High School

Posted: 06.27.05

Things I Learned This Week From Reading Magazines

Posted: 06.15.05

A Short Guide To the Major Tenets of Intelligent Design

Posted: 06.12.05

My Letters Answered By Future Me

Posted: 05.18.05

Personal Activity Pyramids, Revised

Posted: 05.10.05

Melancholy Mother's Day

Posted: 05.05.05

No More Submissions Please, We've Settled on America's Funniest Home Video

Posted: 04.25.05

A List of Useless Similes

Posted: 04.24.05

No One Thinks Suicide Is Funny

Posted: 04.12.05

Respect the Cunt

Posted: 04.11.05

Other Uses For That Unicorn

Posted: 03.28.05

A Short List of Unflattering Nicknames for the Sexually Promiscuous, Created by Pairing Common STD Symptoms With the Word Fragment “-zilla”

Posted: 03.28.05

Sean Penn: Oscar Winner, Defender of Honor

Posted: 03.17.05

A Dream About "The Gates"

Posted: 03.01.05

I'm Going To Be a Big-Time Entertainer. I Can Just Feel It.

Posted: 02.18.05

Murphy's Other Laws

Posted: 02.07.05

I Just Wasn't That Into You

Posted: 01.24.05

Mounting Evidence of Surveillance Cameras Hidden In My Apartment

Posted: 12.16.04

Reliable Predictors for Future Presidential Elections

Posted: 12.06.04

If I Was a CSI

Posted: 11.08.04

Life @ MIT

Posted: 11.08.04

A Haunted House? No, Just Kind of Unsettling.

Posted: 10.25.04

7 Failed Attempts at Workplace Friendliness

Posted: 10.24.04

The Deptartment of Homeland Security's Guide to...Parenting

Posted: 10.04.04

An Open Letter To...

Posted: 07.13.04

Ask A Robot: Artificial Advice

Posted: 07.06.04

4 Prepared Speeches for 4 Awards I'll Never Win

Posted: 06.28.04

Impractical Jokes

Posted: 06.28.04