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Sufjan Stevens Does America!
by Steven Smith
posted 02.01.06
Critical darling Sufjan Stevens recently announced plans to record 50 albums, one named after and inspired by each state in the union. With two albums in the can (“Illinois” and “Greetings From Michigan: The Great Lake State”), there’s a fair bit of singing and songwriting in Stevens’ future. That’s why I’ve taken the liberty of naming the other 48 albums in an effort to make an otherwise impossible task a little more manageable.
• “White Folks Don’t Like to Talk About It and Black Folks Aren’t Likely to Forget Anytime Soon” (Alabama)
• “Drilling to See What We Can Find, or, Where have all the Wild Moose Gone?” (Alaska)
• “Less Bitchin’ and More Gas Pumpin’, Mr. Runs With Buffaloes” (Arizona)
• “Kansas’ Swarthy Cousin Used to Have a Problem With Drugs, But Has Since Gotten Help” (Arkansas)
• “Pretty Girls Move to California To Make Movies, or, I’d Suggest Removing Those Contacts Before We Get Started” (California)
• “Colorado Has No Sense of Humor. NONE!!!” (Colorado)
• “Connecticut’s Got Tons of White Women and They’re Ready To Get Married” (Connecticut)
• “Untitled” (Delaware)
• “Living Museum: Part I: It’s Hot and I Forgot to Apply Sunscreen/Part II: Nanna Doesn’t Feel So Good” (Florida)
• “Girls Who Like Boys That Wear Clothes Like They’re Girls Often Wish They Hadn’t Majored in Fashion Design” (Georgia)
• “Hawaii for Our Honeymoon! Pittsburgh for Our Divorce...” (Hawaii)
• “Mr. Potato Head, or, I Keep My Emotions In My Butt” (Idaho)
• “Illinois” (Illinois)
• “There Are No Families In the Indianapolis Area With the Surname ‘Jones’. We Checked. Bummer, Huh?” (Indiana)
• “I’m Done With This Gimmick. The Next Album is Going To Be Self-Titled, Ya Got Me?” (Iowa)
• “This Place Is Shaped Like a Square and I Think That’s Putting a Serious Crimp On the Nightlife” (Kansas)
• “Ladies Night at the Meth Lab” (Kentucky)
• “White Folks Don’t Like To Talk About It and Black Folks Aren’t Likely To Forget Anytime Soon (Remixes)” (Louisiana)
• “Stephen King Hates Halloween, or, Police Custody Is Where You End Up When You Don’t Respect Those Restraining Orders” (Maine)
• “AAAAAAHHHH! CRABS!” (Maryland)
• “Kennedy! American Dynasty! Drinky! American Legacy! Pussy! American Achilles’ Heely!” (Massachusetts)
• “Greetings From Michigan: The Great Lake State” (Michigan)
• “Snoozeville” (Minnesota)
• “What’s Burning? MISSISSIPPI! That’s What!” (Mississippi)
• “Perhaps I’ve Bit Off More Than I Can Chew With This ’50 Albums’ Thing” (Missouri)
• “Sufjan Quits the Band, or, You’re Nothing Without Me, Just a Bunch of Assholes in Varsity Sweaters” (Montana)
• “Aksarben” (Nebraska)
• “Relax. This Friend of Mine Told Me It’s Legal Here” (Nevada)
• “Would Anyone Notice If We Just Skipped This One?” (New Hampshire)
• “Toxic Monsters! 3-D!!!” (New Jersey)
• “Just Like Mexico, Only [ed. Fill In the Blank]” (New Mexico)
• “The Bright Lights on Broadway, or, If I Ever Play the Mercury Lounge Again, I’m Putting a Bullet In My Head” (New York)
• “The Red Album” (North Carolina)
• “The White Album” (North Dakota)
• “The Blue Album” (Ohio)
• “Circle The Wagons: Part I: Songs With Guitars/Part II: More Songs With Guitars” (Oklahoma)
• “Portland’s Pretty Cool, I Guess” (Oregon)
• “Kelly McGillis Made ‘Amish’ Sexy” (Pennsylvania)
• “Big Things Come In Small Packages, or, That’s What She Said” (Rhode Island)
• “We Phoned This One In” (South Carolina)
• “An Afternoon at the Movies, or, That Fanning Kid’s Got Chutzpah!” (South Dakota)
• “Ozark Mountain Jim Jam” (Tennessee)
• “Don’t Mess With Texas! Not Unless You Have 275 Dollars Burning a Hole In Your Pocket! ‘Cuz That’s What We Charge Strangers That Show Their Face ‘Round These Parts and Mess With Texas! 275 Dollars!” (Texas)
• “I Think We Took a Wrong Turn In Wyoming” (Utah)
• “Suze Got Syrup On Her Veil, During the Wedding, Our Only Reason For Being In Vermont In the First Place” (Vermont)
• “Now with Beach Access!!!” (Virginia)
• “Which Came First? The City or the State?” (Washington)
• “Apparently People Still Work in Mines” (West Virginia)
• “More Cheez Pleez” (Wisconsin)
• “Finally, I Can Burn My Guitar and Die” (Wyoming)