Sean Penn: Oscar Winner, Defender of Honor

by Steven Smith

posted 03.17.05

Sean Penn at the Oscars

“To answer our host’s question about Jude Law, he is one of our finest actors.”

Sean Penn at a comedy club in Tuscaloosa:

“To answer the performers observation, yes, black people and white people are different in a variety of ways. But maybe rather than poking fun at this, we should celebrate our differences and encourage solidarity between people from all walks of life.”

Sean Penn on a cross-town bus:

“To the fellow in the red and white basketball jersey who just laid claim that his traveling companion was ‘retarded,’ I would ask that you take greater care with your choices of words. The word ‘retard’ is disparaging to the brave people that live each day with a mental handicap. I should know. I played one in a movie once.”

Sean Penn on the playground during recess at Murray Boone Elementary:

“To the young gentleman who referred to Kevin Williamson’s mom as a ‘big, fat slut’ I will concede that Mrs. Williamson is indeed struggling with her tendency to over-eat and is, therefore, both big and fat. But to call her a slut is a spurious claim and, should it prove to be true, no less noble. That a woman would sacrifice her own body to provide for her child isn’t shameful, it’s heroic. If you’d like another example of the lengths people go to in the name of loyalty to a loved one, check out my performance in 21 Grams. It’s out on DVD.”

Sean Penn in bed:

“To answer the stunning blonde who has left my bed to rinse off in the shower, I only blaspheme our lord God’s name during love making if the experience is transcendent or I feel my partner’s bruised ego could use a lift. As for whether I was faking it with you or not, well, an actor never tells.”

Sean Penn at Arlington National Cemetery:

“To the woman who was just handed a folded American flag as a symbol of thanks for her only son’s sacrifice for our great nation, I must say: brilliant performance. It reminded me of myself and that modest bit of acting I did in Mystic River. That aerial shot where I scream my lungs bloody and all those cops hold me down? My idea. By the way, I won an Oscar for that.”

Sean Penn at an improv comedy theater:

“To the group of bright-eyed performers that asked for a suggestion to inspire a scene, so that they may dazzle us with the limitless bounds of their imagination using only the magic of improvised comedy: gooseberries.”

Sean Penn at the UN:

“To the representative from Iran, there is no doubt that a US occupation of your country would be a grievous error. But it wouldn’t be nearly as bad as some of the foibles I’ve made in the films I’ve starred in. If you IMDB me and click on ‘goofs,’ you can see what I’m talking about. Like in Mystic River? When I’m killing Tim Robbins? I’ve got a glove on in one shot and then in the next it’s gone! You see? Everyone makes mistakes, be they a hubristic President or an Oscar winner like me. I’m an actor.”