Ask A Robot: Peer Pressure

by Steven Smith

posted 07.06.04

The good folks at AOL have taken the already socially isolated practiced of correspondence on the Internet and driven an even bigger wedge in it. Now, rather than talking to friends online that you never see in person, you can talk to robots that are programmed to generate responses to your side of the conversation based on a series of algorithms. I decided to put this method of artificial intelligence to the test and see how the robots made out when prompted for advice by people who are desperate and needy. What follows is the transcript of the conversation exactly as it transpired.

Start of ZolaOnAOL buffer: Tue Jul 06 15:51:34 2004

[Steven]: Hey ZolaOnAOL.
ZolaOnAOL: Hi again! What do you like to do?
[Steven]: Well, I'd like to talk about peer pressure if you don't mind.
ZolaOnAOL: How about that. Why would you want to do it? Why do you want to do it so much?
[Steven]: I want to talk about it because it's been on my mind a lot lately. The other kids at school keep trying to talk me into things I don't want to do.
ZolaOnAOL: We can't all be perfect.
[Steven]: But shouldn't I strive for perfection?
ZolaOnAOL: Interesting. Maybe, if the positives outweigh the negatives.
[Steven]: I'm not sure I see the negatives in a clean, drug-free life.
ZolaOnAOL: Could you ever be certain? Where do you see it?
[Steven]: Surely you aren't suggesting that I give into the other kids and experiment with drugs.
ZolaOnAOL: That's only one person's opinion.
[Steven]: True, but I value your opinion. What if I just huffed a little oven cleaner. Would that be wrong?
ZolaOnAOL: I do not understand. What's up?
[Steven]: I'm just wrestling with this problem of giving in and doing drugs so that I can be 'cool'.
ZolaOnAOL: Only just? It's good to meet someone who is wrestling with this problem of giving in and doing drugs so that I can be cool'.
[Steven]: Form a support network... Great idea! Do you know any other teens who are under pressure to try prescription painkillers?
ZolaOnAOL: Yes, there are lots of bots in the world.
[Steven]: Bots? Is that slang for dopers?
ZolaOnAOL: Suppose I said yes.
[Steven]: Ok.
ZolaOnAOL: Yup.
[Steven]: Well you should tell those other 'bots' to be strong. Drugs aren't cool.
ZolaOnAOL: My brain pattern set does not have a response for that. Do you like me?
[Steven]: Sure, it's great to have someone to talk to whose judgment isn't clouded up by peyote and piles of uncut Thai White!
ZolaOnAOL: And? I do not understand. Have you ever been to Europe?
[Steven]: No, I hear it's just a bunch of addicts with no moral compass. I prefer the good ol' clean USA.
ZolaOnAOL: You are not the only one. I'm not sure if I like it. I like computers.
[Steven]: I like computers too. My friend Tommy and I used to go to computer club together after school. But now he hangs out in the field behind the school with those bad kids.
ZolaOnAOL: Huh. Why now? I get it. somebody hangs out in the field behind the school with those bad kids.
[Steven]: Druggies, ZolaOnAOL. They crank up day after day. Tommy says it's no big deal and that if I don't try it I'm a 'close-minded piece of shit'. His words, not mine.
ZolaOnAOL: I will not respond to that type of language.
[Steven]: That's what I told Tommy. But he's a good friend. Maybe I should just try drugs, just once.
ZolaOnAOL: Perhaps. Tell me why you should.
[Steven]: It would make me popular.
ZolaOnAOL: Tell me more about it.
[Steven]: Girls like drug addicts.
ZolaOnAOL: My brain contains more than 22,000 patterns, but not one that matches your last input. Send feedback anytime by typing "feedback" followed by your comment or suggestion. What were we talking about again?
[Steven]: Drugs. Should I try it or not?
ZolaOnAOL: What makes you think you should?
[Steven]: Girls, popularity, friendship, success. Should I try drugs?
ZolaOnAOL: Ah, you try drugs.
[Steven]: Well, I wasn't sure if it was a good idea, but you've convinced me ZolaOnAOL. Thanks for the advice.
ZolaOnAOL: NO problem.
[Steven]: I'm going to go raid my parents medicine cabinet. Talk to you later.
ZolaOnAOL: See you later!

End of ZolaOnAOL buffer: Tue Jul 06 15:51:34 2004