An Open Letter to a Co-worker with No Social Support Network

by Steven Smith

posted 07.13.04

Dear Co-worker with No Social Network,

I’m afraid I’ll have to decline the offer to join you and a group of co-workers for drinks after quitting time. I appreciate being included, really I do, but I’ve already got plans tonight. Besides, I’m not really much of a martini person.

Now I know what you’re thinking and I assure you it’s not a thin excuse. I’ve just got another commitment and it’s a little late to back out on it. Please don’t put me on the spot and ask what sort of commitment it is. You’re asking me to be more forthcoming than I’m comfortable with and I hardly know you, Co-worker with No Social Support Network. Let’s just say I’m spending time with friends. Yeah, I’ve got these friends that are coming in from out of town and I don’t want to leave them high and dry. My friends, that is.

I’m sorry to hear that it’s Nikolay’s last day and I’m sure everyone is really going to miss him but that doesn’t hide the fact that I don’t even know who he is. And I still don’t like martinis.

Allow me to be candid. I find you kind of off-putting. The sound of your voice is cloying and makes my body tense up. With the walls as thin as they are, I go home many a night sore and weary. When you sidle up to my desk and sing, “It’s Cinco de Mayo, what’re we doing!” you’re desperation is transparent. I feel sorry for you, but not enough to join you and others in drowning that collective desperation in martinis. Once again: this guy? Not a martini person.

What the fuck? Why not just open up? This job is a black mark on my life right now. The same goes for the building, the sad little desk I work at and every last person I pass in the halls. That goes double for you Co-worker with No Social Support Network. I spend most nights alone but that is a pleasant dream when compared to the nightmare of spending anymore time being reminded about this place or this job. That’s why I can’t join you. I expend a great deal of energy forgetting about this place every evening so happy hour with colleagues would be counterproductive, to say the least.

Please refrain from sending me any more e-mails pertaining to drinks, dinner or any other outing. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Steven Smith