Fun Things To Say To A Lady With A Baby

by Steven Smith

posted 09.14.05

• "His skin is so soft. I bet it would keep me really warm in the winter!"

• "It must be so hard to raise a retarded child. You’re so brave."

• "Ooooh, I could just kidnap her and never give her back."

• "QUICK! CATCH!"

• "Look at ‘im go. That’s a titty man, if I ever seen one."

• "What goes ka-dump—ftssssss? A kid who’s Mom never told him to look both ways before crossing my street!"

• "I wonder if she’ll land on all fours if I drop her?"

• "Crying babies make me crazy. Violent crazy..."