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1
Location: Elevator
Co-Worker: Hey.
Me: Hi.
Co-Worker: What are you listening to?
Me: (removed headphones and sighed) Music.
2
Location: Cubicles
Co-Worker: You been watchin’ the debates?
Me: (turned in chair to face him) Yeah.
Co-Worker: …
Me: … (turned back to computer and continued work)
3
Location: Boss’ Office
Boss: Are you available to work for the rest of the month?
Me: Sure.
Boss: You wouldn’t be interested in working here full-time, would you?
Me: No, not really. Not at all. No.
4
Location: Cyberspace
Co-worker: OMG! U gotta check dis site out!!!! :-)
Me: ok
(45 minutes pass)
Co-worker: did U read it
Me: (failed to respond)
5
Location: Cubicles
Co-Worker: A bunch of us are getting together for my birthday this weekend at this beer garden in Queens. You wanna come?
Me: Mmmmm, no thanks, no. I’ve already got plans.
Co-Worker: Oh yeah? What’re you doing?
Me: Some friends and I are gonna hang out. Some of my friends from college.
Co-Worker: Cool.
Me: Oh, happy birthday though.
6
Location: Bathroom Urinals
Boss: Good morning.
Me: (nervous shout) PRETTY GOOD, HOW ‘BOUT YOU!? (hurriedly zipped up and exited without washing hands)
7
Location: Building Lobby
Co-Worker: HOLD THE ELEVATOR!
Me: (pressed “close doors” button)
Co-Worker: (jammed arm between closing doors just in time)
Me: Sorry, I uh, I couldn’t find the right button in time.
Co-Worker: You know, everyone here thinks you’re a dick.
Me: I’m sorry.